There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
