Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She told me I should be a condom model.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
