All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
