It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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