By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
