You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
