kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
