they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
