Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
