I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize