I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
someone owes me an orgasm
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
