oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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