next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
