Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
