I love black thongs
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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