I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.