Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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