the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
