God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
