TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
