life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
