The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
