I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
