these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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