How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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