I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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