so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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