it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
