Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
