I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
