No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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