just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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