My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize