I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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