I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
