So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
