i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
