I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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