I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
