I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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