I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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