There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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