Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
