Umm I'm too high to move.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
