apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
