i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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