Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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