Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
