You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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