he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
please come you make the beer taste better
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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