I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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