who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
