Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
