And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
