Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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