I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize