i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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