Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems