I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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