But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
