You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
