I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
