Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
