did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
