so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
