Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
