I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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