I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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