I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
