butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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