I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
