I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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